Well, an enthralling game of sorts - I did take a large number of shots again - I can't wait for the light to come back so I can take shots without the blur that's created by low light. It's been interesting trying to get to grips with sports photography but I have reached a bit of an early plateau. There are action shots close in on the players that I can take, there are shots of the ball as players go up for a header but really I am yet to find a genre or style in all this. It's interesting to try this as some form of photo-essay bordering on social documents but again I have to push a little further in order to achieve this. We lost 4-2 but that besides, it wasn't a bad game.

See all the shots through here and here.

Discriminating against the Irish - why were Sinn Fein referred to as the political wing of the IRA for so long?

While many of my views on politics may not be that well thought through and Id say I'm definately not what I'd class as well informed, I think there's a distinct possibility that I am right on a few occasions every now and again regarding a few relatively important issues: the naivity of the Labour Party Leader, Gordon Brown to state there was an end to boom and bust when the UK economy is so strongly linked to that of the US (theirs is intrisically linked to boom and bust because they class this as a freedom - bunch of thickos if you ask most brits), and the fact that there is perhaps a degree of racism in using the term terrorist when describing the IRA, the Irish Republican Army. I should, when point is made like this, discuss in quite a lot of detail the period that the term 'political wing of the IRA' was used by the BBC and other media bodies and the relationship between these and Thatcher's and Major's governments and those of Blair's and Brown's to elucidate exactly how media organisations have been influenced and whether or not this served a genuine purpose for the public in Northern Ireland or were just acts of injustice aimed at the final struggle to maintain an empire or commonwealth when there is no great drive to achieve this.

It is notable though that those governments for the period in our recent history been content to use the language of the politician who have dealt with operations of the IRA as acts of illegal criminal action rather than that of an army engaged in warfare. Was this act of aiming not to recognise the IRA as an army, but rather a reckless gang of criminals, just part of the game-playing involved in the British maltreatment of the Irish? Is ridicule and trivialisation of the Irish and their state part of a relationship that the British governments seem unable to break? This to me, seems to be an ongoing element of life in the UK taking varying forms rather than actually appearing to ever stop and there be a meaningful end to maltreatment of Ireland and the Irish.

Were there reasons for describing the IRA as terrorists which aimed only to undermine the legitimate political actions of Sinn Fein, who were frequently described by the BBC as 'the political wing of the IRA' - surely there is misrepresentation here - should we treat our own government equally and describe them as the political wing of the British forces, a formidable terrorist outfit if ever the was one, always profiting from the legal loopholes that acting as an army or defence force can offer. Should the political wing of the British forces be denied the oxygen of publicity that they require for survival - perhaps this is one of the reasons that Thatcher's medics told her not to speak publicly again - what a damn hypocrite. Is there some form of divine intervention here or am I imagining things?

On a slightly different matter, I had on a number of occasions asked the media through several points of contact to try to open up a number of issue areas in the press through background websites which offer an introduction to the main background issues - I never as a youth felt I'd get a handle on the complexity of issues in Beruit in the 1980's which seemed to get more complicated on almost a daily basis, so I am pleased to see the website pages the BBC have added on the background of the peace process in Northern Ireland (see: Northern Ireland background from the BBC) which does give quite a comprehensive background on the 'troubles'. At least this is happening, despite it being nothing to do with me personally, I imagine.

Bouyant Solihull Moors take opportunity to win.

After several years away from non-league football, the display of football on Saturday at the home ground of Solihull Moors was a refreshing experience that brought back a number of good memories of the years I supported Moor Green when they played at The Moorlands on Sherwood Road, Hall Green. The quality of the football had improved, Solihull Moors, by my opinion at least frequently outclassing the opposition, Harrogate in what was a generally very well fought contest allowing the ability of both sides to show in good October conditions. The strong wind that assisted Solihull Moors on the attack in the first half didn't cause great problems in the second-half - Solihull Moors looking the more likely to score throughout the game.

Whilst there may have been greater creativity on the part of the Solihull Moors attack and perhaps greater stability in their defence there was not a massive gulf in performance - a number of crunching tackles were made in midfield, notably several made by Harrogate players resulting in Solihull Moors freekicks, most of which didn't trouble the Harrogate defence to any degree. The penalty which decided the game was won, at the time I thought very fairly, however, the photograph I took of it illustrated the Harrogate keeper was making strong attempts to withdraw his arms as shown in the photograph at the top of this blog. There was earlier in the half a disallowed goal scored by Harrogate that, because of pushing against the keeper, didn't stand. The photograph of it perhaps shows this.

After going a goal down late in the game Harrogate looked far more hungry than Solihull Moors to equalise, if not go on ahead and win. Frantic responses from the crowd reminding the players not to become to complacent while leading appeared to convince the players they had what it took to regain control. The final whistle came and Harrogate, if they hadn't won the game, had won a few admirers in the Solihull Moors crowd. A well contested game. See more shots Buoyant Solihull Moors take opportunity to win.

Who's that girl...?

T'was a merry day with very little to show for the effort I was making. At the start of a bank holiday get all of the naff jobs out of the way quite quickly and then get on with a few things that will be a bit more fun. As I was trying to get on with a few of the naff jobs I was hoping that they'd be done and the little ones arrived scampering around the house and garden full of the joys of life. They do cheer me up...see more shots at my flickr site

Another day another dollar...

Another job begins and all the questions hanging over the last few jobs I've had seem to evaporate. I've made efforts to get to grips with what was going on in the last few years and while the occasional conscientious employer has tried to get to grips with the issues I've been putting forward, I haven't managed to resolve any of the underlying questions regarding how some people may get pushed over the edge and everyone who has been willing to disregard the issues put in front of them tends to continue without having done anymore than just looked to confirm their prejudice about people with mental health problems.
That aside at least I’m in a position to perform to a greater or lesser degree in a workplace. That’s something that I’ve not been able to do at all over recent years I hope the working goes as well as the walking…Lakes were nice earlier this month.

Another day in paradise

Gardening wasn't high on the agenda earlier this year but I must admit to having got some form of bug. It makes me feel like I'm near the sea - that sense of timelessness and freedom away from the pressures of daily strains. There's so much in the way of water just standing around at the top of the garden after a few weeks of rain, I'm wondering if any of it will be used over the coming months with the weather turning the way it is. Has this been one of the wettest summers on record so far?

The changing man...smokin tabs

The changing man, Mr. Paul Weller, was live at Cannock Chase I guess I can say last night because it was yesterday as we creep into the early hours of Saturday the 27th of June.

I watched the gig from a position not too far from the sound desk - the sound was by the way excellent if you do get a chance to see how much better the forestry commission are at organising gigs than they are at saving the environment. We stood waiting after a reasonable set from the support band while text after text came through of sick Michael Jackson jokes - some of which actually made me laugh but that's a different story.

After Weller played 'the changing man', everything seemed effortless and magnificent from then on. There was a town called Malice, that's entertainment, eton rifles, shout and several others.

I assumed that there was some form of environmental drive that'd be pushed upon the hardcore Weller following that was willing to find the middle of nowhere in order to see their hero. I don't think I missed it - the only reason I could see that Mr. Weller wanted to play gigs outdoors was that he wanted to be able to smoke during his work. Funny how old fashioned this looked only a few years after the smoking ban has kicked in. No environmental message, just a good gig. And the shots are online at Paul Weller - Cannock Chase.

ZappaJazz and Courtney Pine.

Both ZappaJazz and Courtney Pine shots are online - nearly a month since I took them...the urgency has gone from my photography at present.

Despite having a few ideas of what to take photographs of while I was working on Lower Essex Street, while I was working on the reception of a probation office, I didn't get anything done. I guess the feeling of originality has been lost from much of what I approach and I want to explore concepts behind photography more than anything else at present. Maybe the reading will inspire me to get out and photograph more and try to create something that really expresses what is possible to do through the art form. Perhaps, one day...

Grand Pianoramax - Live at the Hare & Hounds....

Well, I saw the band, I did the photos and then didn't do anything about them until quite late in the day. I like the band, Grand Pianoramax, quite a lot - it was a pretty good gig but was there something lacking just a little bit somewhere for me - though I'm used to seeing five piece bands all the time these days with only Bee Bop to draw from. I don't think the balance in the band is quite right at the moment as I say - would Lizzie Parkes type backing occassionally help? Or another rhythm musicuan? It crossed my mind that Jack Bruce or some form of heavy-weight may be good to drop into the band - but who am I to say?

Good sounds, solid use of the subsonic bass which was interesting for a 'Birmingham Jazz' gig - more bands should do this - would be nice to see fat chops use this to it's full extent - or other bands that are looking to revitalise music from the 1930's....

It's been a week or two of methodone and other types of problems for me - fortunately it's not been me taking the methodone but the people who've been using the services of the National Probation Service where I've been working. I've quite liked working there it's been relatively interesting as jobs go - I'll not really want to get back in there straightaway though... let's hope the weekend last a long time rather than flies by...

Chemical depression - is it really impossible that depression affecting the West is caused by drugs the authorities deny the existence of?

Statistically, it's about ten times more likely that someone in their twenties will suffer from depression than their 1950's counterpart. Some of the 'facts' about depression and the increases in morbidity rates that have taken place in the last fifty years of a number of categories of mental illness are what can only be classed as alarming.

I am not convinced that there are the bio-psycho-social causes of contemporary depression as many would lead the population to believe. There are not always very high correlations between alcohol intake, drug use, and onset of mental illness - though these may be reasonably high. in my own case, after a short period of what was the most excessive anxiety - totally off the scale that is really possible to imagine - which lasted for forty-eight hours during the second weekend of the year 2000 I have gradually recovered. While a course of anti-depressants has helped significantly it has sparked some thought on the matter of what I had been the real cause of the depression I went through. The anti-depressants supposedly work as selective serotonin re uptake inhibitors - SSRIs. The theory underlying their effectiveness supposedly being that there needs to be a level of the neuro-transmitter serotonin around neurons, brain cells, and above a certain point of serotonin washing around the neurons, the less likely that it is you will experience depressive type symptoms. If the serotonin is soaked up by the neurotransmitters and not then released back into the fluids surrounding them, it is likely that an individual would suffer from depression. What tends to get classed as a relatively solid reason for the onset of depression in twenty-somethings is use of street drugs, for instance use of Ecstasy (MDMA), which may make neurotransmitters fire solidly for a few hours and then have caused significant imbalance neurologically as a result of over firing, over release of certain chemicals leading to a very abnormal chemical depression. What I think is interesting about this is that I didn't take Ecstasy, and I hadn't smoked cannabis for about eight years when I headed into the period of depression when this all took place. What I did experience were memory blanks and then periods of what appeared to be recall of what had taken place during the druggings. I have stated to a few public agencies that dreams may have some significance, if only because they may reflect where an individual was drugged and possibly influenced without their knowledge. I doubt this will be taken seriously for some time. I assume there could be substances already known which would act as selective serotonin reuptake facilitators which could cause the most extreme levels of anxiety and depression

I suppose the usual question that would be asked when someone like myself alleges that there are druggings being carried out on most of the population if not all is 'why haven't I seen what takes place?' or 'why aren't there more reportings of these types of druggings?'. The only answer I can offer in all this is that any one who had been drugged with chemicals of this nature would appear so ill that it would be automatically assumed that they have an organically generated mental illness. If they were to state that they have been drugged most conscientious staff in any public service would draw upon the training they've received and then class them as paranoid, unable to understand the condition they are in and dismiss what they are stating. That paired with the facts that there is no real public lobbying on this matter - of what drugs may be used in the facilitation of mental illness - that there is almost total uncertainty of exactly what drugs should be hunted for - will also cloud the issue.

What I think may also be a major factor in shaping what mental health the public experience - and who gets categorised as being mentally ill - is that there can be some enhancement to one's well-being when classing someone else as being paranoid or mentally ill, it might be the only reminder that some people get that their health is generally okay! This may be a Western phenomenon - I don't know how cross cultural this is - or even if this is largely dysfunctional way of maintaining health - to achieve it through reference to someone more ill, or more obviously ill than yourself. What may be interesting is the impact that there could be on the individual who does consider there being any truth in what appear to be paranoid allegations - if they entertain any degree of support for the individual it is deemed to be unprofessional, and may even elevate anxiety or feelings of discomfort. It does even make me wonder if schizophrenia is a disease of regime control - does someone who objects to druggings and refuses to believe the 'you've just got a bit confused' line of arguing if they allege that they've been drugged, get progressively worse in terms of their illnesses and degenerate into having anger attacks and becoming a stereotypical schizo. I assume this did happen to quite a few people - this interpretation of a schizophrenic does rely upon a notion that they may be aiming at carrying out a level of 'public service' and are degraded for doing so - not something that I think I'll get much in the way of academic support over... Rates of schizophrenia have dropped over recent years and rates of depression have increased - I've been in the gap between the two and I've challenged the diagnosis because of anger towards the state, thoughts of conspiracy etc. all of which have only been medicalised - none taken seriously - as if there is any form of pattern of drugging sweeping across the west....

In the context of whether or not this is only taking place in my imagination or not, I assume that there is some pattern Europe wide at least, as there tends to be greater life expectancy in countries which have higher rates of mental illness - perhaps I'm drawing upon stereotypes here I can't say - I understand there are high rates of suicide and mental illness in Scandinavian countries and there is also very high life expectancy compared to other European nations - have many of them been in a position similar to myself where I've been what at least seems like being drugged in order to experience a period of life so painful that I then have little to no inclination to drink above the recommended daily limits that the department of health inform me of. Surely, western nations would not allow a means of destroying an individuals state of mind in order to get their general self care up to an acceptable standard? I say surely not, but this may actually be a better explanation that the psycho-social stress issues that are put forward by Professor Richard Wilkinson in his book unhealthy societies, as to why the working classes, most notably those on low incomes are most likely to die younger than those in higher salaried positions. Is someone on a higher salary someone who has managed to get themselves sorted out and those who don't left to suffer the degradation of continued alcohol use to control the SSRF? Somehow I doubt it, but there may be some substance to what I state.

Does blowing someone's brains out with a high dose of an 'SSRF' do anything to increase life expectancy in the west - surely not....Maybe the Scandinavians are better at drugging their population that the British government is...?

Ever felt mildly embarrassed when you met someone but weren't sure why...?

It happened to me a few weeks ago. I met someone in a job centre whom I saw going red quite easily...I don't know if I should state this but I think it wasn't our first meeting. I seemed to have some recovered memory as I quite frequently do of an incident which occurred on the canal towpath that I must have been cycling along on my way to work one morning when I worked at Teleperformance.

There are reasons why the real causes of mental illness are kept out of the public gaze - it's highly illegal nationally and must also break international human rights laws for governments to allow to happen what does. One of the mechanisms seems to be how the human mind is considered to have malfunctioned if an individual has some recollection of a benefits advisor taking a shit on a canal towpath, the advisor realising that they've done this in a public place and then this being classed as a reason for why they were going quite so red. It is embedded within popular culture that this type of explanation can only be connected to the malfunctioning human mind owing to a high degree of overwork, poor work-life balance, poor inter-personal relationships or some other explanation which is largely bio-psycho-social in nature: that we're prone to mental illness when we don't take adequate care of ourselves and someone merely needs to adopt a different approach to life in order to recover from a bout of mental illness, take a course of medication or have extended time out.

These types of 'sensible' bio-psycho-social models do appeal and may make a large degree of sense in a great many instances, however, in my experience there does seem to be a great deal bubbling under - and there are distinct problems associated with dismissing someone as a conspiracy theorist who doubts the credibility of these models. I continue to try and influence the authorities to believe that this is a distinct possibility, however, the means that are used to shape the society we live in and to extend life, whilst being illegal, are probably the most effective manner of increasing life expectancy - we assume there to be very genuine reasons why life expectancy has increased - McKeown's work being a prime example of this. This is a correlational approach which examines the increases in life expectancy with industrialisation and concludes that increases in life expectancy have occurred largely through environmental improvements and legislation to reduce the frequency of accidental death. There is no doubt that correlational studies are generally only going to indicate a little about causes and in no way be conclusive - there could be a great deal more that needs to be uncovered regarding the reasons behind these changes.

I think about the one blushing fellow I met and the impact that his facilitated negative emotional state may have had upon how comfortable I felt in that situation and I don't think that there could be much in the way of reason for it - there was something that had taken place and perhaps one day I'll find out who did what and why?

Goodbye to Leslie John Willis.....

Dear All,
Friday was the funeral of an uncle of mine and later in the day I went along to the Rush Hour Blues in the foyer of Symphony Hall. Uncle Les was a very charismatic type of person to me and my brothers - in some ways he seemed much larger than life. My parents had interests, but they didn't seem quite so colourful or expressive as the things that Les seemed to get up to. He had quite a noticable sense of humour and watching him crack jokes at his wifes' expense (my dads' sister) did seem to be a bit of a family event, some form of pressure-valve for all of us.

I was thinking about Les when I was taking the shots of the band playing away. He took some nice shots of me and my brothers when we were kids that are in a different class to those that my mother took with her kodak. There was an element of wanting to have a blast, photographically at least, for Les. In what I class as quite difficult circumstances to photograph the bands, with no extra light on them, it can be quite a difficult space to photograph and do a subject justice. I have dedicated the slide show that's on my flickr page to Les and I hope some of the other relatives get a chance to check this type of thing out.

Les has made some impact upon me as a photographer, and while I don't think I'll become a popular mainstream photographer, nor necessarily progress that far technically, I do get quite a lot out of the experience and I do feel pleased with what I can do. For that alone, I'm kind of grateful to Les. I did mention to his son, a shot that Les had inspired me to take of the summer palace in Beijing, Chinas' capital. Similar to the historic forbidden city, it is a major landmark and of cultural importance as an indicator of past dynasties. I was there on quite a dreary day unfortunately, perhaps unlikely to bring the best of the scene but still worth being there. I tried to use the willows to continue the curve of the building, something that Les has discussed with me as a child when we looked through some of his most prized photographs - how important the shapes of figures and objects sometimes in the background are to the composition of a shot. I guess there was an element of that in the way I was taking shots of the boys on Friday afternoon - difficult circumstances: far from ideal, activity and events that I couldn't control and a scene in front of us all (the band) that looked generally the same to everyone present but somehow would look different - in a million different ways to a million different people. Though this may seem a little sermon-like, as I sit writing about it on a Sunday morning, there is an element of what life's been like in the Woodward family about it - circumstance doesn't tend to go our way and there's a need to try and make awkward circumstances work in our direction - as I tried to do with the reflective background of the mirror-like plate glass in the shot above that's in the slideshow of the ben markland quintet. Somehow, despite confronting circumstance, things just don't seem to work but there's some pleasure in trying. Friday was to me, a goodbye to Les first and foremost - I wonder if there's much influence in the shots.....

Steve Yenga & Crossroad Collision

More duff photographs from the Symphony Hall Foyer Commuter Jazz event which was held on Friday 6th January. Steve Yenga & Crossroad Collision did a couple of good sets which went down really well. I was surprised so many frozen pensioners who seem only to live for jazz on a Friday made so much noise....maybe they weren't put off by the snow because they all come out of a freezer on a Friday morning only to be put back in on a Friday night.

The week of nothing much.....

It's been a week now since I paid up the funds for the tribunal through tribunal action. I don't feel particularly confident at present, they didn't seem to know what they were doing.

Watched a bit of Folk America on BBC4 this week - it was good to see Graham Nash and David Crosby - teach your childrenteach your children is a bit of a classic.

Nothing much has happened this week. Can I do a thing about this lack of inspiration....

Rush hour blues and more....

There are a few more shots on flickr of Simon Harris & The Bright Size Gypsies at Rush Hour Blues tonight. It was not a bad show and the sound quality was also pretty good on the whole, guitar solos sounding particularly good. The shots are weak if I say so myself but I like one or two.

From a couple of weeks ago, shots of the Barry Green Trio from the 23rd January 2009 are also online. I didn't make a good job of either set really as a photographic opportunity. New shots, that is slightly different perspective and images of the bands playing, seem to appear despite photographing the same place week in week out so it doesn't get boring as such though I do feel that I'm lacking a little in the way of inspiration at present. It's a slightly challenging but interesting venue as a photographer.

It's been an interesting couple of weeks since I've blogged. I feel I've neared the point of full recovery - I have some feelings of confidence which I haven't had for over ten years now so it does feel very much as if I'm nearly back to normal after an extraordinary amount of time. I've got a tribunal to get through and hopefully get some form of result from and I guess that I can only hope things improve.

Last night at Commuter Jazz....

Chris Aldridge and Beebe were pretty good last night, it was great to see Levi with Brian again. I'll finally get around to buying a CD from them one day.